THE DOOR

"I AM THE KING LIZARD"

THE MYTH, THE MAN, THE LEGEND, I'M TALKING ABOUT BEN STILLER HERE PLAYING SOME SINGER IVE NEVER HEARD OF IN A FLICK CALLED "THE DOOR." IM NOT GONNA LIE THIS MOVIE IS SUPER WEIRD FROM THE LION ROAR TO THE DIGITAL SOUND CREDIT, I HONESTLY DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE. THE SINGERS NAME IS TIM MORRISON AND I THINK HE WAS AN EXTRA ON THAT SHOW THE O.C. AND AFTER HE DREW A GUITAR IN THE SAND ONE OF THE PRODUCERS WHO WAS PUTTING TOGETHER THIS BOY BAND ASKED HIM TO BE THE FRONT MAN. I COULDNT UNDERSTAND A WORD BEN SAID THIS ENTIRE MOVIE, ITS LIKE THE DIRECTOR WAS LIKE "AITE YER MOTIVATION IS YER A DRUNK WEIRDO WHO WALKS AROUND WITH HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS ALL THE TIME" AND BEN WAS LIKE "YEAH FOR SURE." AT THE END HE PUKED ON SOME CHRISTMAS PRESENTS AND THEN IT FADED TO CREDITS SO IMA GIVE THIS ONE A 2 CUZ I REALLY HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

MYSTERY MEN

"aaaaawwwwwwwwwww here it goes!!!"

lemme just say i think they shouldve called this movive 'i luve weed' haha i mean i mean they shouldve called this one " 'insensitive peppermints' based on the novel by hennessy williams " im just sayin this movie had my mind blowin itsELF i was trippin off this ish i mean wow people oh muh guuuhhhd straight up wow ben right i wouldve called this movie i lov ben stiller ben plays an angry superhero wit a bunch of doofy ass friends who are also superheroes and they gotta get more friends to fight them sum badness they trnyna save the day cuz captain amazing is just suchhh a tube ugh somuchhate janeane garofolo is also in this movie but as you probly guessed she was not the luv interest im guessin its cuz she probly thinks ben stiller hates women but thats just belligerence yall ben falls in love w/ this fine diner hyna he dont want none of that salami ham this woman she is his wonderboy i mean she is his moby dick i mean she is his wetest in the building bens having himself all sorts of feelings in this one but he doesnt let em get in the way of the mission and i mean you got to respect that from the man he is of a higher caliber

now ok ill admit this movie aint all ben but i mean we got a whole cast of suckers tryna outshine my man lets go down the list shall we??? we got kel first of all, KEL are you fuckin with me? kel? i know kenans blowin his own spot rite now but hes fat hes got a natural gift for funny if kel doesnt do meth then ill stop snortin cocaine next we got a guy who does voices for the simpson hes got a funny voice n in this movie he does a fancy british accent but hes not british thats pretty funny stuff guy i mean britisih i wouldve never thought of that but its your character you know whats right not me next we got pee wee motherfuckin herman thats right my man plays a guy who farts n it smells sooooo bad i mean haha ssoooo gross he kills it tho respect next we got a big native american dude?? "how, hi are you???" lol n then we got the dude from fargo which i havent seen but us white people luuuvvv that movie almost as much as we luv the big lebowski (the dude!!!! hahaahahahahah) buts thats all besides the point cuz artie lange fuckin killed it in this one!!!! hahahaha i mean wow

"soooo hoooot, want to touch the heiney"


PEACE ON EARTH

MEET THE FOCKERS

yall i am so proud of ben right now you know what it takes alota courage in a man to stand up n be funny against the tides of oppression from the liberal left i mean if we let obama get his way pretty soon were not gunna be able to make funny anymor idk about any of yall but my america likes to laugh say it with me yall haha i mean wow haha in this flick bens plays "lord guyfucker" (lord of tha gay fucking) & thats already hilarious to me that means my man has opened hisself up to all sorts of prejudice n ridicule but he teachs justin hoffman that he is tha same as anybody else besides he aint even tryna get w/ you dude why dont you sit yr prejudice ass down n chill did you even know him n keith are in a commited relationship ?? or that he hasnt been w/ anyone else since they got 2gether n its been like 8 months n so thats what this movies really about guys you cant just look at it face value n say o this movie gay cuz its so much more n yall just narrowminded you should grow up im serious

HEAVYWEIGHTS!!!!

"FRANKLY MY DEAR I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!!"

HEAVYWEIGHTS OH MAH GAWD!!!! YOU EVER SEEN SO MANY CHUBBY NIGGAS RUNNIN' AROUND IN ONE MOVIE??? THIS IS THE SCHINDLERS LISTS OF CHUBBY NIGGAS IN A MOVIE HOMIE SUPER UNREAL. IF THE HOLOCAUST WAS A SUMMER CAMP MOVIE FULL OF FAT KID THIS WOULD BE PART 2 NO DOUBT. YOU GOT HOMEBOYS HIDIN' SAUSAGE LINKS IN THEIR BUNK BED ITS THAT FUCKIN REAL!! IM DYIN'!!! YOU GOT NIGGAS STRAIGHT UP HIDING JELLY BEANS IN THEIR BUTT HOLES!!!!!!!!! HOL-Y SHIT!!!!!!!! WHATS CRAZY 2 ME IS THAT MORE THAN HALF OF THESE CHUBBY BUTT PIPERS IS STILL FAMOUS!!!!! THESE FAT FELLATIO TROOPERS IS STILL MAKING MONEY HUSTLIN JELLYBEANS IN THEIR B-HOLES AND IM WRITIN' ABOUT IT OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF MY MUTHAFUCKIN HEART MY NIGGA!!!!! FUCK YO!! HAHA

"HOLY SHIT!!!!!"

IN THIS MOVIE BEN STILLER IS THAT DUDE IN HIGHSCHOOL WHO WAS QUESTIONABLY(BUT NOT REALLY) GAY WHO WAS THE FUCKING HEAD LION OF THE DRAMA CLUB YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT THAT NIGGA WHO SHOWS UP TO LUNCH HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE BUT ONLY USING DIALOGUE FROM THE PLAY HES REHEARSING THAT NIGGA. ON THE SURFACE EVERYBODY'S LIKE "THIS IS THE NICEST B IVE EVER MET" BUT THE SECOND YOU TURN AROUND HE TURNS ON HIS GAME FACE AND IS TALKIN ABOUT THE SHADE OF YER BIRTHMARKS TO THE CATTIEST BITCHES IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL. Y KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT????? HE SEEMS LIKE A ROBOT AND NO DOUBT AT THE END OF THE MOVIE THIS NIGGA IS A ROBOT!!!!!! UN FUCKING REAL. THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH ELEMENT OF CHUBBY KID SUMMER CAMP SCIFI WON TON GUMBO BITCH GET IT.

THIS SHIT IS TIGHT THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT BEN STILLERS DUMB ASS WENT AND GOUGED THE FUCK OUTTA THIS PIECE RIGHT HERE ON SOME MOBY DICK SWAG, BEN "CAPTAIN FUCKING AHAB" STILLER STRAIGHT UP BLOWIN' UP THEIR SPOT AT SUMMER CAMP, I KNOW ITS TOO EARLY BUT THIS NIGGA IS THE KIM JONG IL OF SUMMER CAMP THESE MOTHERFUCKERS IS STARVING ON THE REALS AND THE LAST KICKBALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HAD HE WENT AND THREW IT ON THE ROOF BACK 2 THE FUTURE STYLE. ALL IN ALL THIS MOVIE IS A FUCKING 10 BUT BEN STILLER IS A FUCKING DICKHEAD IN THIS SHIT SO IM GIVING HIM A -10 CUZ ITS STILL BADASS.

MADAGASCAR

"am i a joke to you nigga? do i look like a clown?"

hmm yo i know were all fun n games on here usually and i mean hey cmon im not tryna harsh anybodys vibes like i mean you know me i can rock w/ tha best of them but theres sumthin really twistin my craw right now on the real like is it just me or is their somethin real kinda f'd up w/ this movie yknow? like sum racist asss shit goin on you know i mean cause like how are they just gonna have ben playin the lion ya'dig me? like reallly?? o make the white boy play the lion, the fuck?? nah nah but seriously like im not tyna be a dick but is this shit intentional or ar these hollywood freaks really that ignorant?? someone get back at me cuz im zooted rite now and im about to make sum phone calls

THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS!!!

"DOH!!!!"

HAHA THIS IS IT THIS IS THE ONE THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME YOU ONLY GET ONCE CHANCE TO BLOW!!!! BEN TAKES ON THE DARKER SIDE OF LIFE IN THIS TWISTED FAMILY DRAMA (????) HE PLAYS SOME SORT OF TENNIS PLAYER/FIRE MARSHALL HYBRID WHO RAISES HIS TWO SONS IN SOUTH CENTRAL VERMONT OR SOME SHIT. HIS GIRL DIED IN 9/11 SO HE'S LEFT TO TAKE CARE OF HIS TWO SONS ALONE AND BECAUSE OF THIS INNER CONFLICT HE PROJECTS THE MOURNING OF HIS WIFE ONTO THE WAY HE RAISES HIS SONS, (WHICH IS SHELTERED) DEAN HACKMAN SHOWS THEM HOW TO DRIVE GO KARTS AND DRINK 40'S OR SOME SHIT WHILE OWEN WILSON IS POUNDING THAT CHINA WHITE UP HIS NASAL LIKE HES AT A GIRL TALK SHOW IN 2010 REAL SHIT UDUNNO I HAD TO PAUSE THIS JAM ACOUPLE TIMES AND LET IT ALL SINK IN BEFORE I COULD PRESS PLAY AGAIN. APPARENTLY BEN DOESNT HAVE ANY KIDS SO FOR HIM TO MAN UP AND SHOW THEM KIDS WHATS UP EVEN THOUGH ITS A MOVIE IS AN INCREDIBLE TESTAMENT TO HIS GENETIC ABILITY FOR FUNNY BUT THIS MOVIE IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF FUNNY THAN WERE USED TO FROM BEN OR MAYBE NOT HES ALWAYS GOT THAT SORT OF DRY SERIOUS SARCASTIC KIND OF FUNNY IT JUST SEEMS DIFFERENT BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS LIKE THAT IN THIS MOVIE NINE THUMBS UP THOUGH CUZ I DIDNT SEE ANY TITS IN THIS ONE

STARSKY & HUTCH

yo okay the 70s i mean haaha i mean you hahahha i mean hahaha fuck i mean look at this funny mother fuckerr!!! hahah i cant even hahaha omg wow haha i mean seriously fuck YOURE CRAZY 4 THIS ONE BEN ha really you are out of your mind tho dude haha fuck look at that afro are you fuckin w/ me?? one of yall photoshopped that for reall haha theres no way this is just im sorry but this is just too much i fuckin love everything about this but okay one thing though alright okay okay i guess if i had to change one thing about this film i woulda put it in the 80s but only cause i mean can yall really even imagine that i mean do you even understand me like yall remember when friends would flashback to the 80s n theyd be havin sum wacky ass hairdos?? fuckin hhahahahaha i mean wow